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March 2009

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mid march saturday night

my little boy is bumping around all over my insides.
it feels like a heartbeat, rhytmic, but not entirely in sync or consistent.

how do i feel right now.
i'm happy. i'm optimistic. i'm loving my life right now.
truly, perspective is key in this life...

i could list infinite lines of worries and bore you to death with woes, but
when i think of these woes they are more like whines.
i have met and wed the love of my life. after 12 years i am happier than ever.
we complement one another wonderfully. we have learned the art of loving,
the art of conversation, the art of choosing battles. we have gone through
thick and thin a handful of times and each time brought new challenges.
i know that any future challenges are possible to overcome and that all we can
ever do is take things one day, one step at a time; whether it may take
5 steps or 500,000 steps, it is a matter of perseverance and patience.

i am allowing myself to revel in my current time of life.
i am having a baby.
i am having a baby with the love of my life.
i have waited years and years for this baby and
i am finally going to be able to meet him eye to eye, face to face, skin to skin, heart to heart.

our living situation is not ideal, but then again it is more than ideal.
today we had the chance to view some of the older apartments in the Marpole neighborhood
where we are currently living. i had high hopes, naive hopes... yes their prices ranged from
$780 - $900 compared to our $1200, but as much space as they provided, they were
1. not spacious enough to make up for their dinginess
2. spacious enough but way out of the question due to lack of upkeep

so for the time being, we are looking to reduce our furniture even further than we have
already done to free up all possible space until we find a solution to our living situation.
it seems the market is in a place wherein we MAY be able to afford to purchase rather than
throw our money away to rent.

at least this little guy will be fairly small and not inhabit a large area of space. if anything,
it will be his furnishings that we will be making extra room.

i can't complain. we are able to pay $1200, we have a new car, we have still managed to
make pricey clothing purchases, we have gone 10 steps beyond our past Value Village
shopping sprees and managed to live comfortably. there is no reason why we should not
be able to sacrifice here and there to accommodate the new financial changes we will soon
be faced with.

so i must be happy and grateful for all this.
if i complained about this situation, i should hope to be punished.
i am so very very lucky for all i have.
loving friends
loving family
good health

and i know i have so much more than this.

and perhaps i can begin to say that even in the loss of my dad, this simple emergence
of gratefulness for all i have is what has come out of this loss. i see more clearly what
is important in this life. i know where to look for happiness. i know where to look in
order to appreciate the things i have instead of looking in the dark for things that
i do not need. everything i could ever want is in my hands.



i agree


Re: i agree

who is this?